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Saturday, March 28, 2020

STOP BLAMING OTHERS AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS

Chambie
📷Siavash Ghanbari 
We are a part of a community whether it be a circle of friends, a group or a team. Either it is small or large in number it will always be a community. We humans can never live alone.

Being a part of a community, problems are always rising. The bigger the community, the bigger the problem. The proportion of problems and community will always be the same.

And having such a problem means people would find someone to blame.

We could not deny that this trait exists in all of us.

Experiencing being blamed

It sucks being blamed, especially if you are being blamed all the time. If you have never experienced it before then consider yourself lucky that you have a good community but if you have gone through it, I say I know how it feels like.

I hate it when I am being blamed for things that I am not accountable for. It felt like being robbed of my self-esteem. But what I hate the most is that I allowed myself to be blamed. I allowed myself to be weak with my reasoning.

The Great Shamers

Best way to describe shamers are those persons who are expert in judging and finding faults.

I categorize them into two types; the main-shamer and the secondary-shamer.

  • Main-shamer is those who you are working with, consider them as the leader of the group. They tend to pass the blame to their members when things do not into their favor.
  • Secondary-shamer is those who are not affiliated with but tend to criticize you. They are those who tend to know everything about you. What do with shamers gain from blaming others?
I have listed below some of the benefits that shamers gain from blaming others. The list is self-explanatory.

  1. They need an excuse or a scapegoat of why something had happened. 
  2. They want to preserve their ego.
  3. They don’t want to be criticized.
  4. They want to be superior by lowering other's self-esteem.
  5. It removes inhibition.
Dealing with the Great Shamers

Dealing with them is not easy but here are some basic tips that may help you along the way.

  1. Never put your emotion on the conversation.
  2. Never raise your voice. You do not win an argument by raising your voice.
  3. Trust your instinct and common sense. You know more about yourself than others. Ask yourself if the statement blamed at you is your fault. If not raise a reasonable statement.
  4. Remember that first impression last. Once you encountered a shamer, they will always be the same. A criminal will always be a criminal and that same goes with the shamer.
  5. Avoid them as possible. Never be near with persons who will put negativity in your life.
  6.  Always be in a positive attitude.
The funny part of being a shamer is that they never learn. When they are group together and started blaming at one another they are like dogs fighting with each other and stops when someone gets hurt.

But hey! There is a benefit when you encounter a shamer!

Being blamed has its own benefits. Just be conscious that not all the blame being accused to you is your fault. Here are some of the few observations that I personally gained after dealing with them.

  1. It has tested my patience.
  2. It thought me how to react properly and deal with the current situation.
  3. It thought me how to observe and read other people’s behavior.
  4. It gave me a better perception of how I should pick my friends.

Chambie / Blogger

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